Dear Happy Reader,
Today is very much a good day for us, for we received a very exciting piece of news in our inbox today. First, we seem to be growing in popularity, seeing as we have been getting more emails lately, including invitations to join clubs and such. One email from a club even promised that it could turn us into a "throbbing" member. We are not entirely sure what it means to say that a club's members are throbbing, but we assume that this is a good thing, and we are assured that this will come to us via means of "natural enhancement". We here at Brown Law love nature very much, and we suspect that we should love enhanced nature even better. How very exciting!
But, in addition to joining the said club, we also received news that we are now billionaires. That is correct--billionaires! This is even more exciting than joining a club full of throbbing members. In the email, it stated that we have been "awarded a total sum of £1,450,000.00 GBP by the United Nations Funds Relief Organization". Of course it sounds redundant to say "£1,450,000.00 GBP", for the £ means British pounds, just as GBP does, so we are hoping that they are awarding us twice that amount, which would be almost three times our daily operating expenses here at Brown Law. They are planning on sending us a Mastercard with that sum on it, to be redeemed at "any ATM Stand or cash point location worldwide". We are not sure what a cash point location is, but we are looking forward to finding out. Upon hearing this great news, we immediately forwarded them all of our requested personal details, which we have written here for your information:
1. Valid Delivery Address.
Brown University School of Law
Admissions Office
1st Brown St.
Brown City, VT 00637
2. Full Names.
The Brown University School of Law Admissions Team
3. Phone Number.
67
Now, we may have waffled on the phone number, and we are not entirely sure that Brown Law has a zip code, but, if it did, it would definitely be something like 00637. We are quite certain that we got number 2 correct, which means, if this were a quiz, we are guaranteed to have a grade no lower than an F. This is the grade all students receive for every Brown Law course, so we consider ourselves quite content to receive an F. We also request that everyone send an email to Dr. Anderson, our contact person at the UN, at u.nations@yahoo.com to thank him for his generous support. We have already established a scholarship fund in his honor that will pay all of one lucky student's tuition for two whole weeks. It is also quite refreshing to see that the UN uses a Yahoo email account, which means that they do not have to waste international resources on maintaining a legitimate email address server that bears the UN name on it. We here at Brown Law opt to use Gmail, seeing as Gmail is superior to Yahoo, and we also are not drawn into watching clips on how monkeys open bananas from the bottom, or into some incredibly riveting thing found in Yahoo Answers. We all know that Yahoo Answers is filled with interesting and knowledgeable experts, and, back when we were in high school, we would put all of our physics homework questions on there. We were always pleased with expert answers including such statements as "I don't know", "Good luck", and "Do your own damn homework you homo". We do not know what a "homo" is, but we figure it is a term of endearment, and so we put in an edit to call that person a "homo" too, so that they would know that we reciprocated their emotions. We almost passed physics that year as a result of Yahoo Answers, and we cannot recommend it enough.
Well, we have updated two days in a row, which is quite exciting too. We cannot wait to hear back from Dr. Anderson, and we are looking forward to seeing the Dr. Anderson Scholarship be awarded. Also, feel free to email us at Brown.University.School.of.Law@gmail.com. We always love to read fan mail. We can also add you to our list to notify you of new posts. Our next post should be within the next week or so. So, until then, adieu!
Dichotomously yours,
The Admissions Team
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