I Did Forget the Ontological Argument

Hello again all!

If you read my last post (that is, the one not about hyperlinks, but the one before that), then you should know that there is an ontological argument for the existence of our school. However, apparently thinking about my soul mate with blue eyes and brown hair distracts me from ontological arguments, because I never did complete the ontological argument that I was going to make.

As you know from the great scholastic Anselm, I can conceive of a perfect law school. The law school would be more perfect if it did exist than if it did not. Therefore, the perfect law school does exist, and its name is the Brown University School of Law. This kind of argumentation has no fallacies, and can be used to prove the existence of other things, such as perfect islands.

Now, at this point you may be scratching your head and saying wtf. That is what I did the first time I heard the ontological argument. Also, you may be scratching your head in wonderment of how BS Law both exists and does not exist. You also might have head lice. But that's the magic of BS Law. It's always there for you, even when it isn't. It is the most mythological law school ever, what with its unicorns and ponies and library-castles that float in the air, hovering menacingly over Harvard Law School as their students run in terror from our laser beams, and, just as there is an argument for the most perfectest law school, there is an argument for the most mythological law school. It goes like this. I can conceive of a law school where no other law school could be more mythical. It would be more mythical if this law school did not exist. Therefore, the most mythical law school (that's us) does not exist.

That's it folks. We both do and do not exist. That fact brings the very essence of logic to its knees. May it beg for the mercy we do not have.

All the best!

Dean Brown

Vanishing Hyperlinks

Hello again!

For some reason, the blog system seems to have eaten all of our hyperlinks! :O  I know! I'm not sure what sort of human being would do such a thing, but someone did. There should be a lawsuit... (hint, hint, all you future lawyers out there...). In any case, our Facebook page is at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Brown-University-School-of-Law/113180462092231. You should also definitely check out our first 2 or 3 posts that we ever did. That should give you a sense of us!

Brown Team

Time Sure Does Fly!

Dear People and Things,

Wow, where has the time gone? Seriously! It feels exactly as though the summer just vanished away beneath my feet and dumped me into a chair at Law School! Now, if I were a law student (which I am not, since I Direct Admissions), I would be heaps busy right now, and would use this blog as an opportunity to procrastinate on my torts homework or something.

It has been a long time since I have said anything, and, I must say, I do not recognize the sound of my own voice. But, assuredly, my own voice is very, very sexy, so I'm sure lots of you want to hear more of what I have to say. I've been churning around a few dead sparrows in my mind, thinking of how I could make the Brown University School of Law an even better place than it already is. We already have the best financial aid in the country, some of the best law professors, and we have a library that's shit full of awesome. And, of course, we have you, our lovely students, who always trace the line between what is and what is not, which, in turn, forever answers Hamlet's question of "To be, or not to be?" with a very firm maybe.

So, what can we do to improve the school? We've thought about it and concluded that nothing can possibly be done to improve the school. Some have challenged this idea by saying, "Well, it sure would be better if the school actually existed!" First, I must say that existence is entirely overrated. Seriously, who wants to do something so trivial as exist? Existence is such a petty matter, and philosophers have gone to great lengths to say absolutely nothing about it. Indeed, the study of existence is known as ontology. Who could say, seriously, "I am an ontologist!" proudly? No one. And do you want to be a no one? Then don't complain so much about the existence problem! Problem solved.

Second, we do exist. Consider Anselm's ontological argument for the existence of God, and then forget about it. Anselm said that he could think of something that was perfect in every way, and, since it was better for this thing to exist than not exist, it therefore must exist. It is a great argument, and I use it to convince myself that there is the perfect woman waiting out there just for me. Some people call this person a "soul mate", while others call it garbage. But, whatever you want to call it, she will have blue eyes and brown hair, because that is what I like, and, moreover, is objectively more perfect.

Well, that's enough churning of the dead sparrows in my head. Some of them are beginning to be covered in their own posthumous droppings, which is kind of gross. Please check back all the time, as I post frequently according when I can remember/have things I need to procrastinate on. Feel free to send questions! And subscribe to Facebook. Everyone has a Facebook nowadays. I'm thinking of making a handbook, where everyone showcases pictures of their hands and say what they like to do with them. 

Until next time!

Dean Brown

Director of Admissions