Dear Everyone, No One, and Everything in Between,
I met for an interview with a potential prospect the other day to discuss his application, and, somewhere in the middle of it, the roles of 'interviewer' and 'interviewee' got confused. I'm pretty sure that I was supposed to be the one asking the questions, seeing as this student was applying to Brown Law and I wanted to know whether he was worthy, but, by the end, it really seemed like he was the one that was in charge of the interview. It's a little embarrassing when something like that happens, but, all in all, I thought that he asked some good questions that I thought might be of interest to all you potential rejects out there, and so I'm going to share them with you. Now, I myself am actually unable to distinguish between qualities such as 'good' and 'bad', and so I'm just going to present you with all the questions I can remember and let you sort them out for yourself.
So, one of the first questions the interviewee asked me was where exactly the Brown School of Law is at. I thought this was pretty obvious; clearly the name suggests it's in Brown University. The applicant then proceeded to ask me where Brown University was located, and, much to my dismay, I realized that I forgot where the school is located. Or, perhaps, I just never knew where the school was in the first place (which is certainly a possibility). I took a bite of my Twix bar, and then thought about where the other Ivy League schools were located. Princeton, for example, is located in the town of Princeton, NJ. The University of Pennsylvania is in Pennsylvania, PA, Columbia is in NYC (which, I believe, stands for New York's Columbus--every state, after all, has a city of Columbus), and Stanford is in Stanford, CA. I think, but am not 100% sure, that the University of Chicago is in Chicago, but I know that Harvard is something of an outlier in this trend, since it's located in Cambridge, arguably the premier university of the UK. But, apart from that, it seemed like all the Ivy League schools are named after the city they're in. And, so I concluded, Brown University must be located in Brown City, Vermont. I'm a little iffy on the state, considering I picked it at random, but I announced it with confidence and the student wrote it down, which I took to be a favorable sign that I was in the right. Whew!
The prospect then asked me what sex I was. I opened my mouth, but no answer automatically came out, so I shut it, paused for a second, and then dug around in my pants for a bit, in search of the answer. The student looked a little awkward when I began to do this, and, much to my dismay, I was unable to find sufficient evidence to suggest an answer one way or the other after about 30 seconds of looking. My eyes shifted around uncomfortably, I coughed, muttered something offensive about his mother under my breath, and then waved the question off. It probably wasn't relevant to anything anyway. And then the student asked, after an extended moment of silence, whether or not BS Law had any scholarships or financial aid.
Finally! A question I definitely knew the answer to! I gasped a sigh of relief, and then announced that Brown Law has a very robust scholarship and financial aid program, based upon both need and merit. I said that, out of any law school, Brown's tuition is the most affordable even without aid, since the tuition is as existent as the school. Furthermore, every student who applies to Brown Law is considered for full- and half-tuition scholarships, and will likely receive notification of their award well before their admissions decision. This, of course, is the opposite of what usually happens at other law schools, who admit first and then consider the applicant for scholarships. Indeed, some have even told me that this is akin to putting the cart in front of the horse. I say, what's wrong with that? Why shouldn't the cart be in front of the horse? I don't know about you, but I always find things easier to move if I push rather than pull, and so, if I were a horse (which I am not), I'd be damn happy to have the cart in front of me, thank you very much. And, in any given year, we're likely to award more scholarships than offers of admission, so it makes sense to do it this way anyways.
In addition to our scholarships, we have a Matching Scholarship Program as well. Berkeley, as most of you are aware, has such a program, where if you receive a scholarship at some other T14 school (except, arbitrarily, Northwestern), they will give you a matching offer. However, our Program is much better, since we will not only match the scholarship offers of our peer schools, but we will also double the offer, relative to the percent of tuition it covers. Thus, if you receive one of Harvard's numerous full tuition merit scholarships, we will offer you a scholarship that is two times full tuition at Brown Law. Chicago offers you half tuition? We'll make it full tuition. What if the scholarship includes a stipend? Well, we'll actually triple that amount, multiply it by 0, and then award you a stipend of the resulting number. What more could you ask for? I believe that it is safe to say that Brown Law has the best scholarship program out of any school.
After that question, I was very pleased with myself for definitely getting one right, and so I thought that it was an appropriate time to conclude the interview. The applicant seemed happy, I was happy, it seemed like a good ending. I thanked him for coming and said that I looked forward to reviewing his application. I then offered my hand for a handshake and then, much to my surprise, he refused to shake my hand. He just left me hanging, right there, with my hand reaching over my desk in my very own office! He looked at my hand as though it were unclean. The nerve of that kid! He had no problem shaking my hand at the beginning of it all--what, did my hand somehow become sullied during the course of the interview? Such audacity is unbecoming in an applicant, or anyone, for that matter. After that awkward moment, I sat down at my desk, he left the room, and I pulled out his file and a sharpie and wrote, in big capital letters, REJECTED, APPLICANT IS A PRETENTIOUS SNOB AND DOES NOT WANT A HAPPY ENDING TO HIS INTERVIEWS. Let that be a lesson--the way into Brown Law does not include snubbing an Admissions Officer at the end of an interview. Or, really, ever. I am most peeved by this, and I believe that the next few applications I look at will be really quick rejects as a result.
Well, folks, that's it for today. Be sure to check back with us often, and also become a fan of us on Facebook. Send any questions to Brown.University.School.of.Law@gmail.com, or just post them right there in the comment box. Tell your friends, your parents, your cat about us. Until next time!
Apoplectically yours,
The Admissions Team
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
A Post-Modern Approach to a Legal Education
Dear applicants, fellows, friends, and other things we don't have,
We here at the Brown School of Law (or, as our students affectionately term it, BS Law) take great pride in the way we teach things. Always on the cutting edge of innovative teaching, the faculty here at Brown Law have really embraced the idea of post-modernism. Indeed, we are the #1 place to go if you want a post-modern approach to legal teaching. No other school does it like we do, because the way we do it is by not doing it at all (whatever the 'it' in that sentence referred to). Plain and simple, the best way to learn something has always been by divine inspiration, and that's what we strive for here at Brown Law. We don't offer "real world" experiences, legal clinics, or any other such nonsense. No, the only way a Brown Law student can take any knowledge away from our school at all is if God or some random act of the universe gave it to him--because, rest assured, our faculty is renowned for not teaching anything.
Do you want to practice law? Then, chances are, Brown Law is not the place for you. We offer legal concentrations ranging from nothing to more nothing, and recent course listings have included nothing. Indeed, even Much Ado About Nothing is much too much for one of our courses. You will learn nothing about the legal system or legal practice in general, and the only experience you'll get is a brush with nonexistence. However, don't let the course listings and all that fool you; Brown Law is not an easy school, by any means. We have a very special grading system here, and we think it's a major step up from the Pass/Fail/Honors nonsense going on at Yale. We eliminated the superfluous grades in that system, and so the only grade a student can get is an F. In this respect, we're pretty similar to Harvard.
I recently had a potential applicant ask me a question about what kind of students attend BS Law. This question gave me some difficulty, because, well, it's pretty darn hard to predicate anything of a nonexistent entity. But, if pressed, I would say that they're a pretty nebulous bunch. Some might say that they're careless, because they lack the capacity for caring, but I prefer the word insouciant. They're also entirely selfless, which is a virtue, I am told, and they're also pretty open-minded, seeing as their brains extend beyond the realm of the living and the physical. As such, our students are pretty much above any law, including the natural ones. Here at Brown Law, we give you license to defy the laws of gravity, and, if you so choose, you don't have to exist at any particular location in time. If you feel like you fit into that category, then I highly encourage you to apply to BS Law.
If you're interested in hearing more about Brown Law, you can check out our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Brown-University-School-of-Law/113180462092231?sk=info. Become a fan, write nonsense on our wall, we love it all. We'll also keep you guys up to date here on our blog, so come back often! Post questions you have for us in the comments, or you can email us at Brown.University.School.of.Law@gmail.com. You can also pray to us, although there's no guarantee that we'll answer any of those (after all, we have countless students praying to get into BS Law all the time!). Also, while I am not allowed to tell you to click on the ads on the side, I can insinuate that I might like it if you did. We hope to hear from you!
Diatonically yours,
The Admissions Team
We here at the Brown School of Law (or, as our students affectionately term it, BS Law) take great pride in the way we teach things. Always on the cutting edge of innovative teaching, the faculty here at Brown Law have really embraced the idea of post-modernism. Indeed, we are the #1 place to go if you want a post-modern approach to legal teaching. No other school does it like we do, because the way we do it is by not doing it at all (whatever the 'it' in that sentence referred to). Plain and simple, the best way to learn something has always been by divine inspiration, and that's what we strive for here at Brown Law. We don't offer "real world" experiences, legal clinics, or any other such nonsense. No, the only way a Brown Law student can take any knowledge away from our school at all is if God or some random act of the universe gave it to him--because, rest assured, our faculty is renowned for not teaching anything.
Do you want to practice law? Then, chances are, Brown Law is not the place for you. We offer legal concentrations ranging from nothing to more nothing, and recent course listings have included nothing. Indeed, even Much Ado About Nothing is much too much for one of our courses. You will learn nothing about the legal system or legal practice in general, and the only experience you'll get is a brush with nonexistence. However, don't let the course listings and all that fool you; Brown Law is not an easy school, by any means. We have a very special grading system here, and we think it's a major step up from the Pass/Fail/Honors nonsense going on at Yale. We eliminated the superfluous grades in that system, and so the only grade a student can get is an F. In this respect, we're pretty similar to Harvard.
I recently had a potential applicant ask me a question about what kind of students attend BS Law. This question gave me some difficulty, because, well, it's pretty darn hard to predicate anything of a nonexistent entity. But, if pressed, I would say that they're a pretty nebulous bunch. Some might say that they're careless, because they lack the capacity for caring, but I prefer the word insouciant. They're also entirely selfless, which is a virtue, I am told, and they're also pretty open-minded, seeing as their brains extend beyond the realm of the living and the physical. As such, our students are pretty much above any law, including the natural ones. Here at Brown Law, we give you license to defy the laws of gravity, and, if you so choose, you don't have to exist at any particular location in time. If you feel like you fit into that category, then I highly encourage you to apply to BS Law.
If you're interested in hearing more about Brown Law, you can check out our Facebook page at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Brown-University-School-of-Law/113180462092231?sk=info. Become a fan, write nonsense on our wall, we love it all. We'll also keep you guys up to date here on our blog, so come back often! Post questions you have for us in the comments, or you can email us at Brown.University.School.of.Law@gmail.com. You can also pray to us, although there's no guarantee that we'll answer any of those (after all, we have countless students praying to get into BS Law all the time!). Also, while I am not allowed to tell you to click on the ads on the side, I can insinuate that I might like it if you did. We hope to hear from you!
Diatonically yours,
The Admissions Team
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Welcome to Our Blog!
Welcome, everyone, to the first post for the Brown University School of Law's blog! The Admissions Team is very excited to jump into this new publicity format, and we hope very much that our posts will offer useful guidance to potential applicants. Questions about personal statements? Want to know more about the review process? Ever curious to know what Adcoms do on their weekends and days off? All these and more will be answered in future posts! We will do our best to serve your needs!
Now, I know that most of you are familiar with Brown Law, so I won't go into much detail about us. No use in singing to the choir, right? Our ivory tower can been seen from anywhere, so graduates are free to name drop us at your next high school reunion--I'm sure your fellow classmates will be sufficiently impressed. Prestige definitely has its perks! This is at least one advantage we have over some of our peers that don't quite share our name recognition, such as the University of Chicago or NYU. Arguably, these two law schools are better than we are, since they exist while we do not, but a Brown Law grad will jump straight to the center of admiration when he announces his education credentials, whilst the Chicago grad takes 10 minutes to explain that Chicago is one of the best law schools in the country, and is not some third rate state college. Alas, the sad fate of the Chicago grad, to be among the best while nobody can immediately see it.
Brown Law has seen some good times in recent rankings. In the Buzzle "Best Law Schools in America" ranking, (http://www.buzzle.com/articles/best-law-schools-in-america.html) Brown managed to usurp the #3 title from Stanford. As the article states, we have a great law library. Not only is the library heavy in the theoretical content, the building itself is entirely a theoretical construct of one's own devising. When I think of the Brown Law Library, I think of a huge Ivory Castle suspended in midair, about ready to fall and smash the bejeezus out of Harvard at any moment. And, yes, our library has unicorns. Some of them serve as our librarians. So if you're a prepubescent girl, you should think of Brown Law as your Dream School (because that's what it is).
Oh, did I also forget to mention the prestige of our faculty? I probably did, but Princeton Review did not. They evaluated us to have the best professors! We are pleased by this, as our faculty members strive to not only think outside the box, but to exist outside the box. And, by box, I really mean the material universe. Sure, sometimes they suffer from really deep existential crises, but who hasn't questioned their existence at some point or other in their lives? We all can learn from Descartes there. In any case, here is the undoctored image showing our recent Princeton Review rating: http://blurblawg.typepad.com/files/brown-law.jpg, courtesy of Faculty Lounge (http://www.thefacultylounge.org/2010/10/princeton-review-ranking-brown-university-school-of-law-professors-are-1.html). Our professors are never dull, and there is never any boundary between professor and student. Indeed, in their nonexistence, they are one and the same. So, at Brown Law, you get to learn alongside, with, and in your professor. Take that Yale!
In any case, I hope that this blog really takes off, as I know that you potential Brown Law applicants want the "inside scoop" into the Brown Law admissions process!
Until next time, the bacon saves the eggs.
Metaphysically yours,
Brown Law Admissions Team
Now, I know that most of you are familiar with Brown Law, so I won't go into much detail about us. No use in singing to the choir, right? Our ivory tower can been seen from anywhere, so graduates are free to name drop us at your next high school reunion--I'm sure your fellow classmates will be sufficiently impressed. Prestige definitely has its perks! This is at least one advantage we have over some of our peers that don't quite share our name recognition, such as the University of Chicago or NYU. Arguably, these two law schools are better than we are, since they exist while we do not, but a Brown Law grad will jump straight to the center of admiration when he announces his education credentials, whilst the Chicago grad takes 10 minutes to explain that Chicago is one of the best law schools in the country, and is not some third rate state college. Alas, the sad fate of the Chicago grad, to be among the best while nobody can immediately see it.
Brown Law has seen some good times in recent rankings. In the Buzzle "Best Law Schools in America" ranking, (http://www.buzzle.com/articles/best-law-schools-in-america.html) Brown managed to usurp the #3 title from Stanford. As the article states, we have a great law library. Not only is the library heavy in the theoretical content, the building itself is entirely a theoretical construct of one's own devising. When I think of the Brown Law Library, I think of a huge Ivory Castle suspended in midair, about ready to fall and smash the bejeezus out of Harvard at any moment. And, yes, our library has unicorns. Some of them serve as our librarians. So if you're a prepubescent girl, you should think of Brown Law as your Dream School (because that's what it is).
Oh, did I also forget to mention the prestige of our faculty? I probably did, but Princeton Review did not. They evaluated us to have the best professors! We are pleased by this, as our faculty members strive to not only think outside the box, but to exist outside the box. And, by box, I really mean the material universe. Sure, sometimes they suffer from really deep existential crises, but who hasn't questioned their existence at some point or other in their lives? We all can learn from Descartes there. In any case, here is the undoctored image showing our recent Princeton Review rating: http://blurblawg.typepad.com/files/brown-law.jpg, courtesy of Faculty Lounge (http://www.thefacultylounge.org/2010/10/princeton-review-ranking-brown-university-school-of-law-professors-are-1.html). Our professors are never dull, and there is never any boundary between professor and student. Indeed, in their nonexistence, they are one and the same. So, at Brown Law, you get to learn alongside, with, and in your professor. Take that Yale!
In any case, I hope that this blog really takes off, as I know that you potential Brown Law applicants want the "inside scoop" into the Brown Law admissions process!
Until next time, the bacon saves the eggs.
Metaphysically yours,
Brown Law Admissions Team
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